You cannot love or hate something about another person unless it reflects something you love or hate about yourself. When tempted to criticize others, ask yourself why you feel so strongly。

一个人对另一个人的爱憎,完全是因为对方折射了自己身上的某些东西.当你想批评别人的时候,先问问自己为什么反应如此强烈.

There is no stage of life that does not contain some lessons. As long as you live there will be somthing more to learn。

无学习,不人生.只要你活着,学习就不会停.

A lesson will be presented to you in various forms until you have learned it. When you have learned it (as evidenced by a change in your attitude and ultimately your behavior) then you can go on to the next lesson.

生活会以不同的形式教育你,直到你的态度和行为发生改变.完全领悟了,你会开始走向下一堂课.

Growth is a process of trial, error and experimentation. You can learn as much from failure as you can from success. Maybe more.

成长是探索、犯错和试验的过程.失败和成功一样能教会你东西,甚至更多.

You are enrolled in a full-time, informal school called Life. Each day, you will be presented with opportunities to learn what you need to know. The lessons presented are often completely different from those you need.

有一所大学,非正式但终身制,这就是人生.每天,它都会有机会教给你你应该学会的东西.常常,人生的课程并非你想要的.

You will receive a body.

关爱自己,受益无限.

You may like it or hate it, but it will be yours for as long as you live. How you take care of it or fail to take care of it can make an enormous difference in the quality of your life.

无论喜欢还是厌恶,你的身体要跟随你一辈子.能否照顾好自己的身体,会决然影响你的一声.

What does it take to succeed? A positive attitude? Well, sure, but that' s hardly enough. The Law of Attraction? The Secret? These ideas might act as spurs to action, but without the action itself, they don't do much.

Success, however it's defined, takes action, and taking good and appropriate action takes skills. Some of these skills (not enough, though) are taught in school (not well enough, either), others are taught on the job, and still others we learn from general life experience.

Below is a list of general skills that will help anyone get ahead in practically any field, from running a company to running a gardening club. Of course, there are skills specific to each field as well – but my concern here is with the skills that translate across disciplines, the ones that can be learned by anyone in any position.

1. Public Speaking
The ability to speak clearly, persuasively, and forcefully in front of an audience – whether an audience of 1 or of thousands – is one of the most important skills anyone can develop. People who are effective speakers come across as more comfortable with themselves, more confident, and more attractive to be around. Being able to speak effectively means you can sell anything – products, of course, but also ideas, ideologies, worldviews. And yourself – which means more opportunities for career advancement, bigger clients, or business funding.

2. Writing
Writing well offers many of the same advantages that speaking well offers: good writers are better at selling products, ideas, and themselves than poor writers. Learning to write well involves not just mastery of grammar but the development of the ability to organize one's thoughts into a coherent form and target it to an audience in the most effective way possible. Given the huge amount of text generated by almost every transaction – from court briefs and legislation running into the thousands of pages to those foot-long receipts you get when you buy gum these days – a person who is a master of the written word can expect doors to open in just about every field.

3. Self-Management
If success depends of effective action, effective action depends on the ability to focus your attention where it is needed most, when it is needed most. Strong organizational skills, effective productivity habits, and a strong sense of discipline are needed to keep yourself on track.

4. Networking
Networking is not only for finding jobs or clients. In an economy dominated by ideas and innovation, networking creates the channel through which ideas flow and in which new ideas are created. A large network, carefully cultivated, ties one into not just a body of people but a body of relationships, and those relationships are more than just the sum of their parts. The interactions those relationships make possible give rise to innovation and creativity – and provide the support to nurture new ideas until they can be realized.

5. Critical Thinking
We are exposed to hundreds, if not thousands, of times more information on a daily basis than our great-grandparents were. Being able to evaluate that information, sort the potentially valuable from the trivial, analyze its relevance and meaning, and relate it to other information is crucial – and woefully under-taught. Good critical thinking skills immediately distinguish you from the mass of people these days.

6. Decision-Making
The bridge that leads from analysis to action is effective decision-making – knowing what to do based on the information available. While not being critical can be dangerous, so too can over-analyzing, or waiting for more information before making a decision. Being able to take in the scene and respond quickly and effectively is what separates the doers from the wannabes.

7. Math
You don't have to be able to integrate polynomials to be successful. However, the ability to quickly work with figures in your head, to make rough but fairly accurate estimates, and to understand things like compound interest and basic statistics gives you a big lead on most people. All of these skills will help you to analyze data more effectively – and more quickly – and to make better decisions based on it.

8. Research
Nobody can be expected to know everything, or even a tiny fraction of everything. Even within your field, chances are there's far more that you don't know than you do know. You don't have to know everything – but you should be able to quickly and painlessly find out what you need to know. That means learning to use the Internet effectively, learning to use a library, learning to read productively, and learning how to leverage your network of contacts – and what kinds of research are going to work best in any given situation.

9. Relaxation
Stress will not only kill you, it leads to poor decision-making, poor thinking, and poor socialization. So be failing to relax, you knock out at least three of the skills in this list – and really more. Plus, working yourself to death in order to keep up, and not having any time to enjoy the fruits of your work, isn't really "success". It's obsession. Being able to face even the most pressing crises with your wits about you and in the most productive way is possibly the most important thing on this list.

10. Basic Accounting
It is a simple fact in our society that money is necessary. Even the simple pleasures in life, like hugging your child, ultimately need money – or you're not going to survive to hug for very long. Knowing how to track and record your expenses and income is important just to survive, let alone to thrive. But more than that, the principles of accounting apply more widely to things like tracking the time you spend on a project or determining whether the value of an action outweighs the costs in money, time, and effort. It's a shame that basic accounting isn't a required part of the core K-12 curriculum.
 

- Steve Jobs

His accomplishments and character helped define a generation and change the world. He is co-founder of the fairytale company we now know as Apple Computers. And he is the visionary of the personal computers world that led the entire computer hardware and software industry to restructure itself.

This man with boundless energy and charisma is also a master of hype, hyperbole and the catchy phrase. And even when he’s trying to talk normally, brilliant verbiage comes tumbling out.

Here’s a selection of some of the most insanely great things he said, golden lessons to help you succeed in life, Jobs-style:

1. Steve Jobs said: “Innovation distinguishes between a leader and a follower.”

Innovation has no limits. The only limit is your imagination. It’s time for you to begin thinking out of the box. If you are involved in a growing industry, think of ways to become more efficient; more customer friendly; and easier to do business with. If you are involved in a shrinking industry – get out of it quick and change before you become obsolete; out of work; or out of business. And remember that procrastination is not an option here. Start innovating now!

2. Steve Jobs said: “Be a yardstick of quality. Some people aren’t used to an environment where excellence is expected.”

There is no shortcut to excellence. You will have to make the commitment to make excellence your priority. Use your talents, abilities, and skills in the best way possible and get ahead of others by giving that little extra. Live by a higher standard and pay attention to the details that really do make the difference. Excellence is not difficult - simply decide right now to give it your best shot - and you will be amazed with what life gives you back.

3. Steve Jobs said: “The only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking. Don’t settle. As with all matters of the heart, you’ll know when you find it.”

I’ve got it down to four words: “Do what you love.” Seek out an occupation that gives you a sense of meaning, direction and satisfaction in life. Having a sense of purpose and striving towards goals gives life meaning, direction and satisfaction. It not only contributes to health and longevity, but also makes you feel better in difficult times. Do you jump out of bed on Monday mornings and look forward to the work week? If the answer is ‘no’ keep looking, you’ll know when you find it.

4. Steve Jobs said: “You know, we don’t grow most of the food we eat. We wear clothes other people make. We speak a language that other people developed. We use a mathematics that other people evolved… I mean, we’re constantly taking things. It’s a wonderful, ecstatic feeling to create something that puts it back in the pool of human experience and knowledge.”

Live in a way that is ethically responsible. Try to make a difference in this world and contribute to the higher good. You’ll find it gives more meaning to your life and it’s a great antidote to boredom. There is always so much to be done. And talk to others about what you are doing. Don’t preach or be self-righteous, or fanatical about it, that just puts people off, but at the same time, don’t be shy about setting an example, and use opportunities that arise to let others know what you are doing.

5. Steve Jobs said: “There’s a phrase in Buddhism, ‘Beginner’s mind.’ It’s wonderful to have a beginner’s mind.”

It is the kind of mind that can see things as they are, which step by step and in a flash can realize the original nature of everything. Beginner’s mind is Zen practice in action. It is the mind that is innocent of preconceptions and expectations, judgements and prejudices. Think of beginner’s mind as the mind that faces life like a small child, full of curiosity and wonder and amazement.

6. Steve Jobs said: “We think basically you watch television to turn your brain off, and you work on your computer when you want to turn your brain on.”

Reams of academic studies over the decades have amply confirmed television’s pernicious mental and moral influences. And most TV watchers know that their habit is mind-numbing and wasteful, but still spend most of their time in front of that box. So turn your TV off and save some brain cells. But be cautious, you can turn your brain off by using a computer also. Try and have an intelligent conversation with someone who plays first person shooters for 8 hours a day. Or auto race games, or role-playing games.

7. Steve Jobs said: “I’m the only person I know that’s lost a quarter of a billion dollars in one year…. It’s very character-building.”

Don’t equate making mistakes with being a mistake. There is no such thing as a successful person who has not failed or made mistakes, there are successful people who made mistakes and changed their lives or performance in response to them, and so got it right the next time. They viewed mistakes as warnings rather than signs of hopeless inadequacy. Never making a mistake means never living life to the full.

8. Steve Jobs said: “I would trade all of my technology for an afternoon with Socrates.”

Over the last decade, numerous books featuring lessons from historical figures have appeared on the shelves of bookstores around the world. And Socrates stands with Leonardo da Vinci, Nicholas Copernicus, Charles Darwin and Albert Einstein as a beacon of inspiration for independent thinkers. But he came first. Cicero said of Socrates that, “He called philosophy down from the skies and into the lives of men.” So use Socrates’ principles in your life, your work, your learning, and your relationships. It’s not about Socrates, it’s really about you, and how you can bring more truth, beauty and goodness into your life everyday.

9. Steve Jobs said: “We’re here to put a dent in the universe. Otherwise why else even be here?”

Did you know that you have big things to accomplish in life? And did you know that those big things are getting rather dusty while you pour yourself another cup of coffee, and decide to mull things over rather than do them? We were all born with a gift to give in life, one which informs all of our desires, interests, passions and curiosities. This gift is, in fact, our purpose. And you don’t need permission to decide your own purpose. No boss, teacher, parent, priest or other authority can decide this for you. Just find that unique purpose.

10. Steve Jobs said: “Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of other’s opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.”

Are you tired of living someone else’s dream? No doubt, its your life and you have every right to spend it in your own individual way without any hurdles or barriers from others. Give yourself a chance to nurture your creative qualities in a fear-free and pressure-free climate. Live a life that YOU choose and be your own boss.

Each lesson might be difficult to integrate into your life at first, but if you ease your way into each lesson, one at a time, you’ll notice an immediate improvement in your overall performance. So go ahead, give them a try.
 

"I think we're having fun. I think our customers really like our products. And we're always trying to do better." - Steve Jobs.

他的成就和人格魅力影响了一代人和整个世界，他就是拥有梦幻般传奇经历的苹果电脑公司的创始人斯蒂夫乔布斯。这个个人电脑领域的梦想家引领并改变了整个计算机硬件和软件产业。

这个精力充沛魅力无限的家伙同时也是一个很会鼓动人心的激励大师，甚至在他的平常对话中，经典的语句也常常脱口而出。

这里摘取了一些他的经典语录，希望这些乔氏语录对你有所帮助：

“领袖和跟风者的区别就在于创新。”
创新无极限！只要敢想，没有什么不可能，立即跳出思维的框框吧。如果你正处于一个上升的朝阳行业，那么尝试去寻找更有效的解决方案：更招消费者喜爱、更简洁的商业模式。如果你处于一个日渐萎缩的行业，那么赶紧在自己变得跟不上时代之前抽身而出，去换个工作或者转换行业。不要拖延，立刻开始创新！

“成为卓越的代名词，很多人并不能适合需要杰出素质的环境。”
成功没有捷径。你必须把卓越转变成你身上的一个特质。最大限度的发挥你的天赋、才能、技巧，把其他所有人甩在你后面。高标准严格自己，把注意力集中在那些将会改变一切的细节上。变得卓越并不艰难 - 从现在开始尽自己最大能力去做 - 你会发现生活将给你惊人的回报。

“成就一番伟业的唯一途径就是热爱自己的事业。如果你还没能找到让自己热爱的事业，继续寻找，不要放弃。跟随自己的心，总有一天你会找到的。”
我把这段话浓缩为：“做我所爱”。去寻找一个能给你的生命带来意义、价值和让你感觉充实的事业。拥有使命感和目标感才能给生命带来意义、价值和充实。这不仅对你的健康和寿命有益处，而且即使在你处于困境的时候你也会感觉良好。在每周一的早上，你能不能利索的爬起来并且对工作日充满期待？如果不能，那么你得重新去寻找。你会感觉得到你是不是真的找到了。

“并不是每个人都需要种植自己的粮食，也不是每个人都需要做自己穿的衣服，我们说着别人发明的语言，使用别人发明的数学...我们一直在使用别人的成果。使用人类的已有经验和知识来进行发明创造是一件很了不起的事情。”
带着责任感生活，尝试为这个世界带来点有意义的事情，为更高尚的事情做点贡献。这样你会发现生活更加有意义，生命不再枯燥。需要我们去做的事情很多。告诉其他人你的计划，不要鼓吹，也不要自以为是，更不能盲目狂热，那样只会把人们吓跑，当然，你也不要害怕成为榜样，要抓住出头的机会让人们知道你的所作所为。

“佛教中有一句话：初学者的心态；拥有初学者的心态是件了不起的事情。”
不要迷惑于表象而要洞察事务的本质，初学者的心态是行动派的禅宗。所谓初学者的心态是指，不要无端猜测、不要期望、不要武断也不要偏见。初学者的心态正如一个新生儿面对这个世界一样，永远充满好奇、求知欲、赞叹。

“我们认为看电视的时候，人的大脑基本停止工作，打开电脑的时候，大脑才开始运转。”
过去十年中，大量的理论研究表明，电视对人的精神和心智是有害的。大多数电视观众都知道这个坏习惯会浪费时间并且使大脑变得迟钝，但是他们还是选择呆在电视机前面。关掉电视吧，给自己省点脑细胞。还有，电脑也会让你的大脑秀逗，不信的话你去跟那些一天花8小时玩第一视角设计游戏、汽车拉力游戏、角色扮演游戏的人聊聊看，你也会得出这个结论的。

“我是我所知唯一一个在一年中失去2.5亿美元的人...这对我的成长很有帮助。”
范错误不等于错误。从来没有哪个成功的人没有失败过或者犯过错误，相反，成功的人都是犯了错误之后，做出改正，然后下次就不会再错了，他们把错误当成一个警告而不是万劫不复的失败。从不犯错意味着从来没有真正活过。

“我愿意把我所有的科技去换取和苏格拉底相处的一个下午。”
十几年来，世界各地的书店里涌现出海量的关于历史人物的书籍。这些人物包括苏格拉底、达芬奇、哥白尼、达尔文以及爱因斯坦成为人们灵感的灯塔，而苏格拉底排在第一位。西塞罗评价苏格拉底说：“他把哲学从高山仰止高高在上的学科变得与人休戚相关。”把苏格拉底的原则运用到你的生活、工作、学习以及人及关系上吧，这不是关于苏格拉底，这是关于你自己，以及关于你如何给你每天的生活带来更多的真善美。

“活着就是为了改变世界，难道还有其他原因吗？”
你是否知道在你的生命中，有什么使命是一定要达成的？你知不知道在你喝一杯咖啡或者做些无意义事情的时候，这些使命又蒙上了一层灰尘？我们生来就随身带着一件东西，这件东西指示着我们的渴望、兴趣、热情以及好奇心，这就是使命。你不需要任何权威来评断你的使命，没有任何老板、老师、父母、牧师以及任何权威可以帮你来决定。你需要靠你自己来寻找这个独特的使命。

“你的时间有限，所以不要为别人而活。不要被教条所限，不要活在别人的观念里。不要让别人的意见左右自己内心的声音。最重要的是，勇敢的去追随自己的心灵和直觉，只有自己的心灵和直觉才知道你自己的真实想法，其他一切都是次要。”
你是否已经厌倦了为别人而活？不要犹豫，这是你的生活，你拥有绝对的自主权来决定如何生活，不要被其他人的所作所为所束缚。给自己一个培养自己创造力的机会，不要害怕，不要担心。过自己选择的生活，做自己的老板！

以上每句话，刚开始也许很难真正渗透入你的生活，但是如果你慢慢吸收这些教训，每次领悟一句话，慢慢的你将会发现一个全新的自我。不要踌躇不前，试试看。
 

To most people, being born in a free country is the greatest gift. To others, it’s a fleeting thought. For the latter, I feel sorry.

Before I go any further, I must admit that not everyone will find success. There will always be those who sit around waiting for success to find them. There will be those who are simply not willing to achieve it. And then there’s the fact that success would not exist without failure. All of these things create what we know; a world where success and failure are experienced by different groups of people.

Everyone in a free country has the opportunity to succeed. So why doesn’t everyone succeed? Because success and failure are choices made consciously and subconsciously and failure is chosen by many for various reasons.

Here are 7 undeniable reasons why some people fail where others succeed:

1. They Define Success Wrong

“Striving for success without hard work is like trying to harvest where you haven’t planted.” - David Bly

Do you believe that success is won, innate, or earned? The answer someone gives can tell you a lot about them, and why they are where they are.

Success is won: if you believe that success is won, you experience animosity and envy toward those you view as lucky or more fortunate than you. You also believe that success is out of your control; it simply depends on a flip of the coin or certain circumstances.

How hard are you willing to work if you believe that success is won rather than earned?

Success is innate: people who believe success is innate often feel the same as those who believe it’s won. The only difference is that believers in innate-success have a more pessimistic view of opportunity; it’s trivial to them (we’ll go over this a little later). Why does opportunity matter if success is innate?

How hard are you willing to work if you feel your opportunity doesn’t matter and your chances of success are nil because of your circumstances?

Success is earned: the last group of people believes what we know to be true based on statistical analysis; success is earned. These people understand that in order to succeed, they must earn it. How do they earn it? They climb the mountain and utilize the same process others have used to achieve.

How hard are you willing to work if you believe success must be earned?

2. They Define Opportunity Wrong

“The ladder of success is best climbed by stepping on the rungs of opportunity.” - Ayn Rand

Do you believe that opportunity provides a possibility of success, a probability of success, or that it’s trivial?

Let’s ask the same questions we asked when we discussed success:

How hard are you willing to work if you believe the opportunity you were born with is trivial?
How hard are you willing to work if you believe the opportunity you were born with is a possibility?
How hard are you willing to work if you believe the opportunity you were born with is a probability?
I hope this is coming together for you. I still want to go further though. I want you to see exactly how your views on opportunity and success work together to help determine your outcome.

People who believe success is won see their opportunity as a possibility, but sometimes as trivial.
People who believe success is innate see their opportunity as trivial.
People who believe success is earned see their opportunity as a probability, but sometimes only as a possibility.
In layman’s terms, the rich see success as earned and view their opportunity as probability. The middle class see success as earned and view their opportunity as possibility, but sometimes as probability. The poor class sees success as won or innate and views their opportunity as trivial, or in some cases as a possibility, but not a probability.

Of course, people don’t stay in one class their entire life. The people who move between classes tend to have the same outlook as those of the class they move to.

3. They Define Work Wrong

“The value of a man’s position is often determined by the number of people qualified to fill it.” - Kevin Geary

We just discussed two important terms: success and opportunity. In order to continue our discussion further, we must discuss another, “work.”

“But success doesn’t always come from hard work!”

Inevitably, people will point out that factory employees work harder than CEOs. Of course, this depends on your analysis of the word “work.”

Choose a corresponding term:

Physical Labor
Mental Labor
Labor
Those who claim that success doesn’t always come from hard work only acknowledge one aspect of work, physical labor.

Of course, work is labor, period. Excluding mental labor from the term work is biased and unfair. CEOs may sit at a desk, wear a suit, and enjoy the air conditioning, but that doesn’t mean they labor any less than the man in the shop room, it’s simply a different type of labor. Not accepting this is like making the argument that one who hates their job labors more than one who enjoys their job and the pay should be altered to make up for it. You see where this is going?

In terms of pay scale, people who run companies are worth a lot more than those who assemble products. Why? Because it’s easy to find people who can assemble products and it’s not very easy to find people who can operate multi-million dollar companies for a profit.

Needless to say, the man in the shop room wouldn’t have a job if the CEO behind the desk wasn’t doing his (and vice versa). The only difference is which job you’d rather be doing, and that depends solely on the choices you make throughout your life.

How do you think the CEO views success and opportunity? How do you think the shop worker views those same terms?

4. They Defeat Themselves

“To expect defeat is nine-tenths of defeat itself.” - Henry Mencken

While there is a minority of people who actually choose to fail, the majority that fail simply make poor choices or have a poor outlook. Basically, for the majority, failure is a choice but not a decision.

I can’t possibly list all of the bad choices people make which lead them to failure, but a few to get you headed in the right direction are:

Abusing drugs or alcohol / addiction.
Not getting an education.
Having a poor work ethic.
Having a child too young or out of wedlock.
Immaturity / laziness.
Borrowing too much money.
And the list goes on, and on, and on…..and on.

Of course, there are also those things which are out of someone’s control.

If you’re born into an inner-city family and attend a poor school system, you obviously start out behind others. If you’re handicapped, your road to success may be longer and more difficult. But none of this bars you from success; I’ll elaborate on this later when we discuss circumstances.

Lastly, as our quote up top reminds us, many people defeat themselves simply by expecting defeat in the first place. They don’t expect success and it actually becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. For more on this, you might like my highly popular article; Your Life Sucks Because You Expect it to Suck (and 10 Ways to Improve it Right Now).

5. They Think Failure is Fina

“Success is the ability to go from failure to failure without losing your enthusiasm.” - Winston Churchill

“But, hard work doesn’t always equal success. Some people work really hard, but fail. They tried and didn’t succeed.”

Failure is a key ingredient in success. Those who don’t achieve success most likely quit after their failure. Quitting, of course, is a choice.

If you were to follow in the footsteps of a successful person, you would likely pass the remnants of multiple failures. If you followed in the footsteps of a failure, you would find their lifeless future at the feet of their first opponent.

So the question is, how hard and for how long are you willing to fight? There are no shortcuts, statistically. The vast majority of millionaires are self-made and far too many lottery winners are broke and worse off than they were before they won the lottery. Why? Because wealth is about behavior and money doesn’t protect you from failure.

If you want to succeed where other people fail, you have to step right over failure and keep walking. The people who don’t make it let failure defeat them. Failure becomes their end result because they refuse to walk any further.

Look at it this way; if you aren’t dead yet, there’s still hope.

6. They’re a Victim of Their Circumstances

“The first step toward success is taken when you refuse to be a captive of the environment in which you first find yourself.” - Mark Cain

One of the biggest rebuttals given by non-achievers is that they are held back by their circumstances.

I don’t think circumstance is a fair argument though. Yes, you may be subject to circumstances that make it more difficult for you to succeed, but that doesn’t change the fact that you start with the same opportunity as others; the opportunity provided to you by living in a free country.

It’s also important to note that some people handle circumstances better than others. For instance, you can’t say that a handicap is a circumstance that prevents you from achieving when others with the same handicap have achieved.

Everyone has issues, circumstances, road blocks, etc. It’s all about how you deal with your circumstances and how hard you’re willing to work to overcome them. But the basics don’t change; you’re still in a free country and nobody is preventing you from achieving except for yourself.

Circumstance is also unimportant because it doesn’t determine finality. For example, a trust fund baby can lose his fortune with a series of bad decisions just as easily as a child from the ghetto can acquire a fortune with a series of good decisions.

Don’t be quick to judge others based on their circumstances. Instead, judge them based on their ferocity in overcoming those circumstances.

7. They Take No For an Answer

“Opposition is a natural part of life. Just as we develop our physical muscles through overcoming opposition - such as lifting weights - we develop our character muscles by overcoming challenges and adversity.” - Stephen R. Covey

First, you are given an opportunity. Then, based on that opportunity, you hatch a dream. And when you try to execute that dream, you meet your opposition. It is here on the battleground, facing the opposition, that success is either realized or lost.

Everyone faces opposition on their way to the top. The crack babies and the trust fund babies both have their own sets of problems. And you can’t assume that one faces more opposition than the other; everyone’s life and path to success is unique.

The one thing they do have in common is the opportunity for success. But, as you try to succeed, there will be people and circumstances around every corner that try to tell you no. The disability you were born with tells you no, your abusive parents tell you no, your pessimistic friends tell you no, your lack of self esteem causes you to say no to yourself, addiction tells you no, and so on.

The people who succeed are those who don’t take no for an answer. They shrug off the pessimism, they choose better friends, they put up boundaries with their family, and they surround themselves with positive people and things.

Conclusion

Success is possible for anyone who is willing to achieve it. There are many who want success, but there is a huge difference between wanting-to and willing-to. You have to be willing…

The other thing to remember is that your outlook and the way you define success, opportunity, and work play a large role in determining your outcome.

If you aren’t achieving, the first person you should always look to first is yourself.

“成功不是偶然，而是因为你把握住了一次偶然的机会。”——Kevin Geary

对多数人而言，应该为出生在一个自由国家而庆幸。对其他人而言，这不过是转瞬即逝的幻想。对于这些人，我深表遗憾。

在我展开论述之前，我必须承认并不是每个人都会成功。有坐在那里等着成功出现的人，也有完全没想过会成功的人，有成功就有失败，这就是现实。所有这些让我们形成了这样的看法：这个世界上，成功的人与失败的人是不同的。

自由国家的每个人都有机会成功。那么为什么不是每个人都成功了？因为成功和失败源自各种有意的和无意的抉择。很多人的失败原因是不同的。

为什么在同样的情况下有些人失败而其他人却成功了？下面就是其中的七大原因。

一、他们错误定义了“成功”

“不想努力工作就想取得成功，就像不耕种就妄图收获。”——David Bly

你认为成功是赢得的，是注定的，还是挣来的？透过人们给出的答案你可以了解他们以及他们当前的处境。

成功是赢得的：如果你相信成功是赢得的，那么你会仇恨嫉妒那些看上去比你幸运的人。你也会相信成功与否仅简单的依靠掷硬币或者特定环境，不是你能控制的。

如果你认为成功是赢得的而不是挣来的，那么你愿意付出多少努力？

成功是注定的：那些相信成功是注定的人通常感觉跟那些相信成功是赢得的人一样。唯一的区别就是“成功注定论者”更加消极悲观地看待机遇。机遇对他们而言微不足道（稍候我们会涉及到这个问题）。如果成功是注定的，那么有没有机遇又有什么关系？

如果你所处的环境让你感觉你有没有机遇没什么要紧，而且成功的机会为零，那么你愿意付出多少努力？

成功是挣来的：最后一类人相信基于统计分析的正确观念。成功是挣来的。这些人知道为了成功，他们必须付出。他们怎么成功？他们沿着先行者走过的道路爬上巅峰。

如果你认为成功必须努力争取，那么你愿意付出多少努力？

二、他们错误定义了“机遇”

“成功的阶梯最好能够踩着机遇的台阶一级一级爬上去”——Ayn Rand

机遇带给你的是成功的一次偶然机会，还是一种成功的可能？或者毫无意义？你怎么认为？让我们用刚才讨论“成功”时相同的形式提几个问题：

如果你认为那个与生俱来的机遇没有用，你愿付出多少努力？
如果你认为那个与生俱来的机遇是一次成功的偶然机会，你愿付出多少努力？
如果你认为那个与生俱来的机遇是一种成功可能，你愿付出多少努力？
我希望这些问题都摆在你面前。我还想更进一步阐述。我想让你正确地看到你对机遇和成功的看法怎样共同帮助你决定你的收获。

如果人们认为成功是赢得的，会把机遇看作一次成功的偶然机会，但是有时也会觉得毫无意义。
如果人们认为成功是注定的，会把机遇看得毫无意义。
如果人们认为成功是挣来得，会把机遇看作一种成功的可能，但是有些时候也只是看作一次偶然。
在外行人眼里，富人认为成功是挣来得，把机遇看作一种成功的可能。中产阶级认为成功是挣来的，把机遇看作一次偶然的机会，但是有时也看作一种可能。穷苦阶层认为成功是赢来的，把他们的机遇看得毫无意义，在一些情况下也看作一次偶然的机会，但是不是一种成功的可能性。

当然，人们不会一生都在一个阶层，而是在不同阶层间移动，而且与目标阶层的人们观点趋向一致。

三、他们错误定义了“工作”

“一个人的职位的价值通常由该职位所管理的人数决定”——Kevin Geary

我们刚讨论了两个重要的概念：成功和机遇。为了继续深入，我们必须讨论另一个概念——“工作”。

“但是努力工作并不一定会成功。”人们肯定会指出工厂职工比CEO工作辛苦。当然，这源于你对“工作”这个词的理解。

请选择一个意思相近的词：

体力劳动
脑力劳动
劳动
有人认为辛苦工作并不一定成功，这些人只是认识到了工作的一个方面——体力劳动。

当然，有时候工作就是指体力劳动。从这个术语中排除脑力劳动的含义带有一种偏见，是不公平的。CEO可能坐在一张桌子旁，穿着西装，享受着空调，但是这并不意味着他们工作比店铺里的人工作轻松，只是工作岗位不同而已。不认同？你是不是认为那些讨厌自己工作的人做得工作比那些享受自己工作的人要多，应当增加薪水作为补偿。你认为这将导致什么结果？

根据薪资标准，管理企业的人比装配线工人更有价值。为什么？因为招装配线工人很容易，但是找可以经营价值数百万美金的企业获得利润的人就不那么容易了。

显然，如果办公桌后的CEO不他的工作，店铺里的工人也就不会有工作，反之亦然。唯一的不同是你更愿意做那种工作，这就要看你在一生当中做的抉择了。

你认为CEO怎样看待成功和机遇？你觉得店员又怎样看待它们？

四、他们打败了他们自己

“To expect defeat is nine-tenths of defeat itself.”-Henry Mencken

虽然有少数人选择失败，但是大多数只是做了错误的选择或者有错误的观点。基本上，对大多数而言，失败是一次选择而不是最终结果。

我不可能列出人们作出的所有导致失败错误选择，但是有一些可以防止你走向歧途：

不要吸毒，不要酗酒
接受教育
坚守职业道德
不要太年轻或者未婚就要小孩
成熟，不懒惰
不要欠债太多
等等...还可以列出很多

当然，有一些事是不能控制的。

如果你生在城市中心的家庭，却进入了一个糟糕的学校，显然，你已经输在了起跑线上。如果你患有残疾，你的成功之路可能很长，也更加艰辛。但是这都不能阻挡你成功。在下面讨论“环境”的时候我会详细说明这点。

最后，上面引用的格言在提醒我们，很多人击败了自己仅仅是因为一开始他们就认为会失败。他们不渴望成功，因而它事实上就成了对自我的预言。你要想了解更多，可能会喜欢我的一篇文章——Your Life Sucks Because You Expect it to Suck (and 10 Ways to Improve it Right Now)你的人生很逊是因为你认为它很逊（马上改变它的10种方法），它还挺受欢迎。

五、他们认为失败就是结局

“成功是屡败屡战的能力”——Winston Churchill

“但是，工作努力程度并不与成功成正比。一些人工作很努力，但却失败了。他们尽力了，却没有成功。”

失败是成功之母。那些没有成功的人总是在失败后放弃。放弃，当然也是种选择。

如果你跟随成功者的脚步，你或许可以避免很多失败。如果你走失败者的老路，你可以在他们第一个敌人的脚下找到他们渺茫的未来。

问题是，你愿意为之付出多少坚持多久？经验证明，没有捷径。很多百万富翁白手起家，很多中大奖的人却比中奖前更加一文不值。为什么？因为财富源于行为，钱并不能让你免于失败。

如果你想在其他人失败的地方成功，你必须跨过失败继续前行。他们做不到的所以他们失败了。他们不愿继续前进，所以失败就是他们的结局。

我们可以这样想，只要活着，就还有希望。

六、他们出淤泥而“染”

“当你排开环境的纷扰找回自我的时候，你已经向成功迈出了第一步。”——Mark Cain

失败者的最常用的辩解就是他们所处的环境妨碍了他们。

尽管我不认同环境是公平的——是的，你可能受环境影响，成功之路困难重重，但是这并没有改变你和其他人在同一起跑线上这个事实，这个起跑线就是你生在一个自由国家。

另一个重要的事实是，有一些人可以更好的运用环境。例如，如果其他人克服了某个挫折并最终成功，当你遇到相同的挫折的时候，你就不能说它阻碍了你。

每个人都会遇到问题、状况和障碍等等。一切取决于你怎样对待周围环境，你愿意付出多少努力去克服它们。但是最根本的没有改变，你在一个自由国家而且没有人可以阻碍你成功，除了你自己。

环境也是不重要的，因为它不能决定结局。一个有钱人的孩子可能因为一系列错误的抉择而前途暗淡，一个来自贫民区的孩子也可能因为一系列正确的抉择而挣得一个美好的前途。

不要根据他们所处的环境而妄下判断，而应该根据他们征服环境斗志判断他们。

七、他们向困难妥协了

“对抗从来都是一种生活的一部分。就像我们通过对抗——举起重物——来锻炼身体的肌肉，我们通过战胜挑战和逆境来锻炼我们的意志。”——Stephen R. Covey

首先，你碰到一次机遇。然后，从这个机遇中你看到一幅蓝图。当你尝试实践这个蓝图的时候，你遇到了阻力。勇敢面对挑战，这是一场战争，要么成功，要么失败。

每个人在通向巅峰的路上都要面对挑战。穷人和富人的孩子都要面对各自的问题，你不能断定其中一个比另一个遇到的挫折多，每个人的人生和成功之路都是不同的。

他们所具有的共同点就是成功的机遇。但是，当你努力获取成功的时候，总有各种人和状况从角落里冒出来阻挠你。先天的残疾阻挠你，唠叨的父母阻挠你，悲观的朋友阻挠你，缺乏自信自尊的你也在阻挠你自己，毒瘾也会阻挠你，等等。

那些成功的人都是哪些从不向困难妥协的人。他们从不悲观，他们选择更好的朋友，他们与家庭划清界限，他们积极的面对周围的人和事。

结论

对于任何一个渴望成功的人而言，成功都是可能的。有很多人想成功，但是“想”和“渴望”有很大不同。你必须渴望...

另一件需要你记住的事是，你的观念和你定义成功、机遇、工作的方式是决定你的收获重要因素。

如果你没有成功，要永远关注的第一人首先就是你自己。
 

 老师可以善待你的孩子，也可以虐待他。你不在时可是他们完全说了算。所以你会巧妙并怀有敬意的和他们谈话。记住，如果你疏远他们，他们就会疏远你的孩子。给你些有用的建议：

 10.老师不对你的家庭负责。如果你的孩子在家表现不好，是你的责任。如果Tommy在班上表现不错，而你却告诉老师他在商场表现不好，这真的不关老师什么事。针对课堂上出现的问题。

9.永远不要让老师喂你的孩子。你当然可以和他们说说Tommy不良的饮食习惯，但记住，他只是许多孩子中的一员如果老师停下手来喂他，就也得喂班里的其他孩子。给他许多可选择的食物并记住当他饿时会吃的。

8.不要为了和老师谈话而打断课程。除非紧急情况，打个电话或留下便条让她打个电话。你也可以和助教谈。当你打断课程，你教你的孩子课程不重要。而如果你这么想，他们也会这么想。

7.别期望老师当保姆。在学校的环境中，老师没必要对毛衫，午餐盒，娃娃这些丢了的东西负责，也许他们会帮忙找，但这不是他们的职责。记住你为他们教授付钱，不是跟在你孩子屁股后面捡东西。

6.别让老师把你的孩子和其他孩子分开。孩童时期一部分事就是学习怎样和其他人社交。如果你的孩子出了问题让老师知道就可以了，别太过分的要求你的孩子不能再和Tommy玩了。老师不能分开孩子，而且这么要求也不公平。

5.别向老师打听另一个孩子。知道这么对待其他孩子与你无关，只有你的孩子与你有关。如果你发现Tommy有问题，只要他不是你的孩子，就别管。

4.见到老师要打招呼。老师整天和你的孩子呆在一起。花点儿时间说句：“你好吗？”会让人感觉不同寻常。这件小事会让老师很欣赏。

3.不要指责，先问清楚。如果Tommy回家告诉你老师没理由的最后把他赶出教室，你应该当着Tommy的面问问她。

2.同样，要先和她谈，不要越过她。如果Tommy带着块不知怎么弄的伤回家，你要先和老师谈，再和主任谈。主管没有整天和Tommy在一个房间。如果老师不做解释或有所袒护，你再向上反映。

1.（个人感觉应是talk your kids with teachers like they are your friends）朋友般的和老师交流。如果他们喜欢你，你的孩子一定会得到更多关注。这是他们应得的，因为他们照顾我们的宝贝孩子。即使你不喜欢他们，只要带着礼貌和尊重的谈就会很使问题容易解决多了。

最重要的是，记住老师不是上帝。他们不能看到，听到，知道所有事。有所他们会犯错，有时会健忘。记住他们是凡人，和任何任课老师保持良好关系的秘诀是始终以尊重对待他们。
 

I need to begin by letting everyone in on a little secret. The secret is that Kirby Bumpus, Stanford Class of '08, is my goddaughter. So, I was thrilled when President Hennessy asked me to be your Commencement speaker, because this is the first time I've been allowed on campus since Kirby's been here.

You see, Kirby's a very smart girl. She wants people to get to know her on her own terms, she says. Not in terms of who she knows. So, she never wants anyone who's first meeting her to know that I know her and she knows me. So, when she first came to Stanford for new student orientation with her mom, I hear that they arrived and everybody was so welcoming, and somebody came up to Kirby and they said, "Ohmigod, that's Gayle King!" Because a lot of people know Gayle King as my BFF [best friend forever].

And so somebody comes up to Kirby, and they say, "Ohmigod, is that Gayle King?" And Kirby's like, "Uh-huh. She's my mom."

And so the person says, "Ohmigod, does it mean, like, you know Oprah Winfrey?"

And Kirby says, "Sort of."

I said, "Sort of? You sort of know me?" Well, I have photographic proof. I have pictures which I can e-mail to you all of Kirby riding horsey with me on all fours. So, I more than sort-of know Kirby Bumpus. And I'm so happy to be here, just happy that I finally, after four years, get to see her room. There's really nowhere else I'd rather be, because I'm so proud of Kirby, who graduates today with two degrees, one in human bio and the other in psychology. Love you, Kirby Cakes! That's how well I know her. I can call her Cakes.

And so proud of her mother and father, who helped her get through this time, and her brother, Will. I really had nothing to do with her graduating from Stanford, but every time anybody's asked me in the past couple of weeks what I was doing, I would say, "I'm getting ready to go to Stanford."

I just love saying "Stanford." Because the truth is, I know I would have never gotten my degree at all, 'cause I didn't go to Stanford. I went to Tennessee State University. But I never would have gotten my diploma at all, because I was supposed to graduate back in 1975, but I was short one credit. And I figured, I'm just going to forget it, 'cause, you know, I'm not going to march with my class. Because by that point, I was already on television. I'd been in television since I was 19 and a sophomore. Granted, I was the only television anchor person that had an 11 o'clock curfew doing the 10 o'clock news.

Seriously, my dad was like, "Well, that news is over at 10:30. Be home by 11."

But that didn't matter to me, because I was earning a living. I was on my way. So, I thought, I'm going to let this college thing go and I only had one credit short. But, my father, from that time on and for years after, was always on my case, because I did not graduate. He'd say, "Oprah Gail"—that's my middle name—"I don't know what you're gonna do without that degree." And I'd say, "But, Dad, I have my own television show."

And he'd say, "Well, I still don't know what you're going to do without that degree."

And I'd say, "But, Dad, now I'm a talk show host." He'd say, "I don't know how you're going to get another job without that degree."

So, in 1987, Tennessee State University invited me back to speak at their commencement. By then, I had my own show, was nationally syndicated. I'd made a movie, had been nominated for an Oscar and founded my company, Harpo. But I told them, I cannot come and give a speech unless I can earn one more credit, because my dad's still saying I'm not going to get anywhere without that degree.

So, I finished my coursework, I turned in my final paper and I got the degree.

And my dad was very proud. And I know that, if anything happens, that one credit will be my salvation.

But I also know why my dad was insisting on that diploma, because, as B. B. King put it, "The beautiful thing about learning is that nobody can take that away from you." And learning is really in the broadest sense what I want to talk about today, because your education, of course, isn't ending here. In many ways, it's only just begun.

The world has so many lessons to teach you. I consider the world, this Earth, to be like a school and our life the classrooms. And sometimes here in this Planet Earth school the lessons often come dressed up as detours or roadblocks. And sometimes as full-blown crises. And the secret I've learned to getting ahead is being open to the lessons, lessons from the grandest university of all, that is, the universe itself.

It's being able to walk through life eager and open to self-improvement and that which is going to best help you evolve, 'cause that's really why we're here, to evolve as human beings. To grow into more of ourselves, always moving to the next level of understanding, the next level of compassion and growth.

I think about one of the greatest compliments I've ever received: I interviewed with a reporter when I was first starting out in Chicago. And then many years later, I saw the same reporter. And she said to me, "You know what? You really haven't changed. You've just become more of yourself."

And that is really what we're all trying to do, become more of ourselves. And I believe that there's a lesson in almost everything that you do and every experience, and getting the lesson is how you move forward. It's how you enrich your spirit. And, trust me, I know that inner wisdom is more precious than wealth. The more you spend it, the more you gain.

So, today, I just want to share a few lessons—meaning three—that I've learned in my journey so far. And aren't you glad? Don't you hate it when somebody says, "I'm going to share a few," and it's 10 lessons later? And, you're like, "Listen, this is my graduation. This is not about you." So, it's only going to be three.

The three lessons that have had the greatest impact on my life have to do with feelings, with failure and with finding happiness.

A year after I left college, I was given the opportunity to co-anchor the 6 o'clock news in Baltimore, because the whole goal in the media at the time I was coming up was you try to move to larger markets. And Baltimore was a much larger market than Nashville. So, getting the 6 o'clock news co-anchor job at 22 was such a big deal. It felt like the biggest deal in the world at the time.

And I was so proud, because I was finally going to have my chance to be like Barbara Walters, which is who I had been trying to emulate since the start of my TV career. So, I was 22 years old, making $22,000 a year. And it's where I met my best friend, Gayle, who was an intern at the same TV station. And once we became friends, we'd say, "Ohmigod, I can't believe it! You're making $22,000 and you're only 22. Imagine when you're 40 and you're making $40,000!"

When I turned 40, I was so glad that didn't happen.

So, here I am, 22, making $22,000 a year and, yet, it didn't feel right. It didn't feel right. The first sign, as President Hennessy was saying, was when they tried to change my name. The news director said to me at the time, "Nobody's going to remember Oprah. So, we want to change your name. We've come up with a name we think that people will remember and people will like. It's a friendly name: Suzie."

Hi, Suzie. Very friendly. You can't be angry with Suzie. Remember Suzie. But my name wasn't Suzie. And, you know, I'd grown up not really loving my name, because when you're looking for your little name on the lunch boxes and the license plate tags, you're never going to find Oprah.

So, I grew up not loving the name, but once I was asked to change it, I thought, well, it is my name and do I look like a Suzie to you? So, I thought, no, it doesn't feel right. I'm not going to change my name. And if people remember it or not, that's OK.

And then they said they didn't like the way I looked. This was in 1976, when your boss could call you in and say, "I don't like the way you look." Now that would be called a lawsuit, but back then they could just say, "I don't like the way you look." Which, in case some of you in the back, if you can't tell, is nothing like Barbara Walters. So, they sent me to a salon where they gave me a perm, and after a few days all my hair fell out and I had to shave my head. And then they really didn't like the way I looked.

Because now I am black and bald and sitting on TV. Not a pretty picture.

But even worse than being bald, I really hated, hated, hated being sent to report on other people's tragedies as a part of my daily duty, knowing that I was just expected to observe, when everything in my instinct told me that I should be doing something, I should be lending a hand.

So, as President Hennessy said, I'd cover a fire and then I'd go back and I'd try to give the victims blankets. And I wouldn't be able to sleep at night because of all the things I was covering during the day.

And, meanwhile, I was trying to sit gracefully like Barbara and make myself talk like Barbara. And I thought, well, I could make a pretty goofy Barbara. And if I could figure out how to be myself, I could be a pretty good Oprah. I was trying to sound elegant like Barbara. And sometimes I didn't read my copy, because something inside me said, this should be spontaneous. So, I wanted to get the news as I was giving it to the people. So, sometimes, I wouldn't read my copy and it would be, like, six people on a pileup on I-40. Oh, my goodness.

And sometimes I wouldn't read the copy—because I wanted to be spontaneous—and I'd come across a list of words I didn't know and I'd mispronounce. And one day I was reading copy and I called Canada "ca nada." And I decided, this Barbara thing's not going too well. I should try being myself.

But at the same time, my dad was saying, "Oprah Gail, this is an opportunity of a lifetime. You better keep that job." And my boss was saying, "This is the nightly news. You're an anchor, not a social worker. Just do your job."

So, I was juggling these messages of expectation and obligation and feeling really miserable with myself. I'd go home at night and fill up my journals, 'cause I've kept a journal since I was 15—so I now have volumes of journals. So, I'd go home at night and fill up my journals about how miserable I was and frustrated. Then I'd eat my anxiety. That's where I learned that habit.

And after eight months, I lost that job. They said I was too emotional. I was too much. But since they didn't want to pay out the contract, they put me on a talk show in Baltimore. And the moment I sat down on that show, the moment I did, I felt like I'd come home. I realized that TV could be more than just a playground, but a platform for service, for helping other people lift their lives. And the moment I sat down, doing that talk show, it felt like breathing. It felt right. And that's where everything that followed for me began.

And I got that lesson. When you're doing the work you're meant to do, it feels right and every day is a bonus, regardless of what you're getting paid.

It's true. And how do you know when you're doing something right? How do you know that? It feels so. What I know now is that feelings are really your GPS system for life. When you're supposed to do something or not supposed to do something, your emotional guidance system lets you know. The trick is to learn to check your ego at the door and start checking your gut instead. Every right decision I've made—every right decision I've ever made—has come from my gut. And every wrong decision I've ever made was a result of me not listening to the greater voice of myself.

If it doesn't feel right, don't do it. That's the lesson. And that lesson alone will save you, my friends, a lot of grief. Even doubt means don't. This is what I've learned. There are many times when you don't know what to do. When you don't know what to do, get still, get very still, until you do know what to do.

And when you do get still and let your internal motivation be the driver, not only will your personal life improve, but you will gain a competitive edge in the working world as well. Because, as Daniel Pink writes in his best-seller, A Whole New Mind, we're entering a whole new age. And he calls it the Conceptual Age, where traits that set people apart today are going to come from our hearts—right brain—as well as our heads. It's no longer just the logical, linear, rules-based thinking that matters, he says. It's also empathy and joyfulness and purpose, inner traits that have transcendent worth.

These qualities bloom when we're doing what we love, when we're involving the wholeness of ourselves in our work, both our expertise and our emotion.

So, I say to you, forget about the fast lane. If you really want to fly, just harness your power to your passion. Honor your calling. Everybody has one. Trust your heart and success will come to you.

So, how do I define success? Let me tell you, money's pretty nice. I'm not going to stand up here and tell you that it's not about money, 'cause money is very nice. I like money. It's good for buying things.

But having a lot of money does not automatically make you a successful person. What you want is money and meaning. You want your work to be meaningful. Because meaning is what brings the real richness to your life. What you really want is to be surrounded by people you trust and treasure and by people who cherish you. That's when you're really rich.

So, lesson one, follow your feelings. If it feels right, move forward. If it doesn't feel right, don't do it.

Now I want to talk a little bit about failings, because nobody's journey is seamless or smooth. We all stumble. We all have setbacks. If things go wrong, you hit a dead end—as you will—it's just life's way of saying time to change course. So, ask every failure—this is what I do with every failure, every crisis, every difficult time—I say, what is this here to teach me? And as soon as you get the lesson, you get to move on. If you really get the lesson, you pass and you don't have to repeat the class. If you don't get the lesson, it shows up wearing another pair of pants—or skirt—to give you some remedial work.

And what I've found is that difficulties come when you don't pay attention to life's whisper, because life always whispers to you first. And if you ignore the whisper, sooner or later you'll get a scream. Whatever you resist persists. But, if you ask the right question—not why is this happening, but what is this here to teach me?—it puts you in the place and space to get the lesson you need.

My friend Eckhart Tolle, who's written this wonderful book called A New Earth that's all about letting the awareness of who you are stimulate everything that you do, he puts it like this: He says, don't react against a bad situation; merge with that situation instead. And the solution will arise from the challenge. Because surrendering yourself doesn't mean giving up; it means acting with responsibility.

Many of you know that, as President Hennessy said, I started this school in Africa. And I founded the school, where I'm trying to give South African girls a shot at a future like yours—Stanford. And I spent five years making sure that school would be as beautiful as the students. I wanted every girl to feel her worth reflected in her surroundings. So, I checked every blueprint, I picked every pillow. I was looking at the grout in between the bricks. I knew every thread count of the sheets. I chose every girl from the villages, from nine provinces. And yet, last fall, I was faced with a crisis I had never anticipated. I was told that one of the dorm matrons was suspected of sexual abuse.

That was, as you can imagine, devastating news. First, I cried—actually, I sobbed—for about half an hour. And then I said, let's get to it; that's all you get, a half an hour. You need to focus on the now, what you need to do now. So, I contacted a child trauma specialist. I put together a team of investigators. I made sure the girls had counseling and support. And Gayle and I got on a plane and flew to South Africa.

And the whole time I kept asking that question: What is this here to teach me? And, as difficult as that experience has been, I got a lot of lessons. I understand now the mistakes I made, because I had been paying attention to all of the wrong things. I'd built that school from the outside in, when what really mattered was the inside out.

So, it's a lesson that applies to all of our lives as a whole. What matters most is what's inside. What matters most is the sense of integrity, of quality and beauty. I got that lesson. And what I know is that the girls came away with something, too. They have emerged from this more resilient and knowing that their voices have power.

And their resilience and spirit have given me more than I could ever give to them, which leads me to my final lesson—the one about finding happiness—which we could talk about all day, but I know you have other wacky things to do.

Not a small topic this is, finding happiness. But in some ways I think it's the simplest of all. Gwendolyn Brooks wrote a poem for her children. It's called "Speech to the Young : Speech to the Progress-Toward." And she says at the end, "Live not for battles won. / Live not for the-end-of-the-song. / Live in the along." She's saying, like Eckhart Tolle, that you have to live for the present. You have to be in the moment. Whatever has happened to you in your past has no power over this present moment, because life is now.

But I think she's also saying, be a part of something. Don't live for yourself alone. This is what I know for sure: In order to be truly happy, you must live along with and you have to stand for something larger than yourself. Because life is a reciprocal exchange. To move forward you have to give back. And to me, that is the greatest lesson of life. To be happy, you have to give something back.

I know you know that, because that's a lesson that's woven into the very fabric of this university. It's a lesson that Jane and Leland Stanford got and one they've bequeathed to you. Because all of you know the story of how this great school came to be, how the Stanfords lost their only child to typhoid at the age of 15. They had every right and they had every reason to turn their backs against the world at that time, but instead, they channeled their grief and their pain into an act of grace. Within a year of their son's death, they had made the founding grant for this great school, pledging to do for other people's children what they were not able to do for their own boy.

The lesson here is clear, and that is, if you're hurting, you need to help somebody ease their hurt. If you're in pain, help somebody else's pain. And when you're in a mess, you get yourself out of the mess helping somebody out of theirs. And in the process, you get to become a member of what I call the greatest fellowship of all, the sorority of compassion and the fraternity of service.

The Stanfords had suffered the worst thing any mom and dad can ever endure, yet they understood that helping others is the way we help ourselves. And this wisdom is increasingly supported by scientific and sociological research. It's no longer just woo-woo soft-skills talk. There's actually a helper's high, a spiritual surge you gain from serving others. So, if you want to feel good, you have to go out and do some good.

But when you do good, I hope you strive for more than just the good feeling that service provides, because I know this for sure, that doing good actually makes you better. So, whatever field you choose, if you operate from the paradigm of service, I know your life will have more value and you will be happy.

I was always happy doing my talk show, but that happiness reached a depth of fulfillment, of joy, that I really can't describe to you or measure when I stopped just being on TV and looking at TV as a job and decided to use television, to use it and not have it use me, to use it as a platform to serve my viewers. That alone changed the trajectory of my success.

So, I know this—that whether you're an actor, you offer your talent in the way that most inspires art. If you're an anatomist, you look at your gift as knowledge and service to healing. Whether you've been called, as so many of you here today getting doctorates and other degrees, to the professions of business, law, engineering, humanities, science, medicine, if you choose to offer your skills and talent in service, when you choose the paradigm of service, looking at life through that paradigm, it turns everything you do from a job into a gift. And I know you haven't spent all this time at Stanford just to go out and get a job.

You've been enriched in countless ways. There's no better way to make your mark on the world and to share that abundance with others. My constant prayer for myself is to be used in service for the greater good.

So, let me end with one of my favorite quotes from Martin Luther King. Dr. King said, "Not everybody can be famous." And I don't know, but everybody today seems to want to be famous.

But fame is a trip. People follow you to the bathroom, listen to you pee. It's just—try to pee quietly. It doesn't matter, they come out and say, "Ohmigod, it's you. You peed."

That's the fame trip, so I don't know if you want that.

So, Dr. King said, "Not everybody can be famous. But everybody can be great, because greatness is determined by service." Those of you who are history scholars may know the rest of that passage. He said, "You don't have to have a college degree to serve. You don't have to make your subject and verb agree to serve. You don't have to know about Plato or Aristotle to serve. You don't have to know Einstein's theory of relativity to serve. You don't have to know the second theory of thermodynamics in physics to serve. You only need a heart full of grace and a soul generated by love."

In a few moments, you'll all be officially Stanford's '08.

You have the heart and the smarts to go with it. And it's up to you to decide, really, where will you now use those gifts? You've got the diploma, so go out and get the lessons, 'cause I know great things are sure to come.

You know, I've always believed that everything is better when you share it, so before I go, I wanted to share a graduation gift with you. Underneath your seats you'll find two of my favorite books. Eckhart Tolle's A New Earth is my current book club selection. Our New Earth webcast has been downloaded 30 million times with that book. And Daniel Pink's A Whole New Mind: Why Right-Brainers Will Rule the Future has reassured me I'm in the right direction.

I really wanted to give you cars but I just couldn't pull that off! Congratulations, '08!

Thank you. Thank you.

Hennessy校长，全体教员，家长，还有斯坦福的毕业生门，非常感谢你们。感谢你们让我和你们分享这美好的一天。

我决定透漏一个小秘密给大家来作为这次演讲的开始。这个秘密就是Kirby Bumpus，斯坦福2008年的毕业生，是我的义女。所以当Hennessy校长让我来做演讲时，我受宠若惊，因为自从Kirby来这上学以来，这是我第一次被允许到斯坦福来。

正如你们知道的那样Kirby是一个非常聪明的女孩。她说，她希望大家通过她自己的努力了解她，而不是她认识谁。因此她从来不希望每一个第一次见到她的人知道她认识我。当她和她妈妈第一次来到斯坦福参加开学典礼时，我听说每个人都十分热情。他们说：“我的天啊，那是Gayle King”。因为很多人都知道Gayle King是我最好的朋友。

有些人走到Kirby面前，对Kirby说：“我的天啊，那是Gayle King吗？”Kirby说：“嗯，她是我妈妈。”然后人们说：“我的天啊，难道说，你认识Oprah Winfrey。”Kirby说：“有点吧。”

我说：“有一点。你有一点认识我”。我还有照片为证。我可以把Kirby 和我骑马时的照片e-mail给你们。因此我不仅仅只是有点认识Kirby Bumpus。我非常高兴来到这里，因为四年来我第一次来到她的寝室。我为Kirby感到自豪，因为她获得了人类生物学和心理学的双学位。这就是我多么的了解她。我可以叫她Cakes。

我为她的父母感到骄傲，她的父母给了她很大帮助，还有她的哥哥Will。我对Kirby大学四年真的没有什么帮助。但是在过去的几周里，每当人们问我在做什么时，我都会说：“我正准备去斯坦福”

我就是喜欢这样说Stanford（用一种奇怪的语调）。因为这是真的，我知道根本不会拿到我的学位，因为我没有去斯坦福念书。我去了Tennessee 州立大学。但是我本来不会拿到我的毕业证，因为我本应该在1975年毕业，但是我少了一个学分。我认为我还是会忘了这件事。你们知道，我不会比得上我的同班同学。因为我已经上了电视。我在19岁还是大学二年级的时候就已经上了电视。我是唯一一个电视节目主持人，虽然有11点的宵禁，却做着10点钟的新闻。

严肃地说，我爸爸告诉我，“好吧，新闻10：30结束。11点之前到家。”但是这对我并不重要，因为我已经自食其力了。我在走我自己的路。所以我想，我不能让关于我大学的那件事就这么过去，我还少一个学分。但是我的父亲从那时起却成了问题。由于我没有毕业，他总是说：“Oprah Gail（我的中间名字），我不知道没有学位你能做些什么。”然后我说：“但是，爸爸，我已经有我自己的电视节目啦。”

他说：“好吧，但是我还是不知道没有那个学位你能干什么。”我说：“但是，爸爸，现在我已经是脱口秀的主持人了”。他还是说：“我不知道没有那个学位你怎么去找其他的工作。”

在1987年，Tennessee州立大学邀请我回去做他们的毕业典礼演讲。在那时，我已经有了自己的电视节目，并加入了国家联合会。我制作了一部电影，并被奥斯卡提名，而且成立了我自己的公司Harpo。可我告诉他们，我不能去演讲除非我得到那一个学分，因为我爸爸总是说没了那学位我将一事无成。

因此，我完成了我的课程，上交了我的毕业论文，然后拿到了学位。我的爸爸非常的骄傲。从此我知道，无论什么事发生，那一个学分是我的救世主

但是我知道为什么我爸爸总是坚持让我获得文凭，因为，正如B. B. King所说：“关于学习的美好在于别人不会把知识从你身上拿走”学习正是我今天想说的，因为你们的教育并没有在这里结束。在很多情况下，这才是刚刚开使。这个世界将会教会你们很多。我认为这个世界，这个地球，就像一个学校和我们人生的教室。有时这些课程会是弯路和障碍。有时会充满危机。我所学的应付这一切的秘密就是去勇于面对，正如我们面对大学课程一样。

我们能够充满激情的去生活和自我提高，这就是我们存在的意义。不断自我提高，去追求人生的更高境界，去追求更高级别的怜悯和自我提高。

我记得我所受到的最大的赞扬就是当我刚刚在芝加哥开始工作时，我采访了一个记者。很多年以后我们又见面了。她对我说：“你知道吗？你一点也没有变。你变得更为自我了。”

这就是我们一直努力在做的，去做我们自己。我坚信你们会从每一件做过的事上学到经验，这样你们就会取得进步。这样你们丰富了心灵。相信我，内在的智慧比外在的财富更加珍贵。你越是使用它，你就得到更多。

今天我想和大家分享我人生的三个经验。你们难道不觉得高兴吗？你们是否会反感，当有人对你说：“我想分享一些”但事实上却是10个经验。你们肯定在想：“听着，这是我的毕业典礼，不是你的”。因此这里只有三个经验我想和大家分享。

这三个经验对我的人生产生了很大影响，它们是关于感情，失败和追求幸福。

当我离开大学一年后，在Baltimore我得到了一个共同主持6点新闻的机会。在那时媒体界的最大目标就是获得更大的市场，而Baltimore是一个比Nashville大得多的市场，因此在22岁时得到这个机会对我来说非常重要。它那时对我来说它仿佛是世界上最重要的事。

我非常自豪，因为我终于有机会去效法barbara Walters。而她正是我从业以来一直效法的对象。那时我22岁，每年挣22,000美元。我遇到了在电视台做实习生的Gayle，我们立刻成了好朋友。我们说：“我的天啊，真难以置信。你在22岁时挣每年能挣22,000美元。想象一下吧，当你40岁时你每年就会挣40,000美元”

当我真的40岁时，我很高兴这并没有成真。

这就是我，22岁时每年挣22,000美元，然而，这种感觉并不好。首先，正如Hennessy校长所说，当他们试图让我改名字。那时导演对我说：“没人会记住Oprah这个名字。因此我们想让你改名字。我们已经为你想了一个大家都会记住和喜欢的名字——Suzie。”

Suzie，一个很友善的名字。你不会厌恶Suzie。记住Suzie吧。但是我的名字不是Suzie。你们可以看到，自小我就不怎么喜欢我的名字。因为当你在午餐箱和牌号寻找你的名字时，你永远也不会找Oprah。

我从小就不怎么喜欢我的名字，但是当我被告知去改名字时，我想，好吧，那时我的名字，但是Suzie真的适合我吗？因此我想，它并不适合我。我不会改我的名字。我也不介意人们是否记得住我的名字，这没什么大不了的。

然后他们还对我说他们不喜欢我的长相。那是在1976年，你的老板可以那么说。但是如果是现在的话，那就是一件很严重的事了。可是那时他们还是说：“我不喜欢你的造型。”我根本不像Barbara Walters。于是他们把我送到沙龙，给我烫了发。可是几天后我的头发一团糟。我不得不剃光我的头发。此时他们更不喜欢我的造型了。因为作为一个光头黑人坐在摄影机前，我肯定不漂亮的。

比光头更令我讨厌的是我不得不把播报别人遭受的痛苦作为我的日常工作。我深知我期待去观察，我的内心告诉我，我应该做些什么了。我需要为他人提供帮助。

正如Hennessy校长所说的那样，我播报了一起火灾，然后应当去给受害者拿毯子。由于白天播报的那些新闻导致我晚上难以入睡。

与此同时我尽量表现的优雅一些，使我更像Barbara。我认为我可能会成为一个傻傻的Barbara。如果我做回我自己，我就会成为一个很棒的Oprah。我努力像Barbara那样优雅。有时我并不读我的稿件，因为我的内心告诉我这是不自主的。所以我想为大家播报一些我想要的新闻。

有时，我不会播报像6个人在连环车祸中受伤这类的新闻。哦，我的天啊。

有时出于内心的本能，我不会去播报一些新闻。我还会遇到一些不认识的和念错的词。一天当我播新闻时，我把加拿大读错了。我想这样下去学Barbara可不大好。我应该做回我自己。

但那是我爸爸却对我说：“这是你一生的机会。你最好继续那份工作。”我的老板也说：“这是晚间新闻。你是播报员，不是福利工作者。还是做你的本职工作吧。”

我歪曲了这些期待和义务，并感觉很糟。晚上回到家后我会记日记。自从15岁时我就开始记日记了，于是现在我已经有了好几卷日记。我晚上回到家后，我会记录下我是多么的不幸和沮丧。然后我消除了焦虑。这就是我如何养成了那个习惯。

8个月后我失去了那份工作。他们说我太情绪化了。但因为他们不想违背合约，他们就让我去Baltimore主持一档脱口秀节目。从我开始主持那档节目的一刻开始，我感觉好像回到了家一样。我意识到电视不应该仅仅是一个娱乐场，更应该是一个以服务为目的的平台，以帮助他人更好的生活。当我开始主持节目的时间侯，就像呼吸一样。感觉好极啦。这就是我工作的真正开始。

这就是我学到的经验。当你做的是一份你喜欢的工作时，那感觉棒极了。无论你能挣到多少钱，你都会有很大收获。

这是真的。但是你怎么知道你所做的是对的呢？你怎么知道呢？我所知道的就是你的内心是你人生的导航系统。当你应该或者不应该改做某事时，你的内心会告诉你怎样去做。关键是去面对你自己，面对你自己的内心。我所做过的所有正确选择都是源自我内心的。我所做过的所有错误选择都是因为没有听取来自我内心的声音。

如果感觉不好，就不要去做。这就是我的经验。我的朋友，这个经验会帮你避免很多痛苦。甚至怀疑都意味着不要去做。这就是我所学到的。有很多次当你不知道如何去做时，什么也不要做，直到你知道怎么做为止。

当你什么也不要做时，让你的内心作为驱动力。不仅仅你的个人生活会提高，你在工作中也会获得竞争力。正如Daniel Pink在他的畅销书A Whole New Mind中所说的那样，我们进入了一个新时代，一个他称之为概念时代的时代。人们的内心使人与人之间产生隔阂。他说，重要的不仅仅是逻辑上的，线性的，直尺式的思维方式。移情，快乐，目标和内部特质同样也有卓越的价值。

当我们做自己喜欢的事时，当我们全身心的投入到工作中时，这些特质就会焕发生机。

因此我对你说，忘掉那些快车道吧。如果你真的像飞翔，就把你的力量投入到你的激情当中。尊重你内心的召唤。每一个人都会有的。相信你的心灵，你会成功的。

那么我是如何定义成功的呢？让我告诉你，钱很美好。我不会告诉你们成功与钱无关，因为钱是好东东。我喜欢钱。它能买东西。

但是拥有很多钱并不能使你自然而然的成为一个成功者。你想要的是钱和意义。你想你的工作更有意义。因为有意义使你的生活更加充实。你所希望得到的是被信任你珍视你的人包围。这才是你真正富有的时候。因此，第一个经验，跟随你的心灵。如果感觉对了，就继续前进。如果感觉不对，就不要做了。

现在我想谈谈失败。没有人他的一生是一帆风顺的。我们都会遇到困难，受到挫折。如果事情出错了，你进入了死胡同，这正是生活在告诉你是时候改变了。所以，每当遇到困难和危机时，我都会问它教会了我什么？只要你吸取了教训，你就会继续前进。如果你真正吸取了教训，你就会顺利通过考验，不用再取经受失败了。如果你没有吸取教训，它会以另外一种形式给出现在你面前并给你一些补救。

我注意到当你没有仔细对待生活的细节时，困难就会出现。因为生活总是提前低声的告戒你。如果你忽视了这个低声的告诫，过不了多久你就会得到一个惊声尖叫，无论你怎样反抗。但是如果你不去想为什困难会发生，而是去反思困难会教给我什么时，你就会学到你需要的东西。

我的朋友Eckhart Tolle。他写了一本非常棒的书，名叫A New Earth。这本书就是关于让你的意识激励你去做事。他说，不要去反抗困境，相反，要融入到其中。事情会变的越来越好的。因为暂时的屈服并不意味着放弃，它意味着一种责任感。

你们当中很多人都知道，正如Hennessy校长所说，我在非洲创办了一个学校。我希望给南非的女孩们一个像你们一样的未来。我花了5年时间来确保学校会像学生们一样好。我想让每一个女孩感觉到自己的价值受到重视。所以我检查了每一个设计图，亲自挑选每个枕头，甚至检查砖块间的水泥。我知道每一个细节。每一学生都是我从9个省的村落里亲自选出来的。然而，去年的秋天我却遇到了一个我从未预料的危机。我被告知有一名宿舍管理员涉嫌性虐待。

你们可以想象得到这是多么令人沮丧的消息啊。首先，我哭了，啜泣了大约半个小时。然后我说，我们得面对它。一个半小时，这就是你全部所能得到的。你需要把注意力集中到现在，现在你因该做些什么。所以我联系了一位儿科创伤专家。我派了一队调查人员。我确定女孩们得到了安慰和支持。Gayle和我坐上飞机飞向南非。

整个过程中我都在问自己：“这件事教会了我什么？”虽然这个经历十分困难，但是我学到了很多。我意识到自己所犯的错误，因为我一直以来都把注意力集中在错事上。我从外向内建造了那所学校，然而正真对我有意义的是从内向外的去建造它。最重要的是我对正直，品质和美好的理解。我学到了那个教训。我也明白女孩们也学到了一些事。她们从中恢复了过来并意识到她们的声音是有影响力的 。

她们的恢复力和精神给了我很多东西，以至于比我给她们的还多。接下来是我最后的经验—关于寻找幸福，我可以谈论一整天，但是我有其他古怪的事要做。

追求幸福并不是一个小话题。但在某种程度上来说它又是最简单的话题。Gwendolyn Brooks为她的孩子写了一首诗，诗名是Speech to the Young : Speech to the Progress-Toward.在诗的最后她说到，不要为了战胜而生活，不要为了歌曲的结尾而生活，要享受生活。她说，你应当为了现在而生活，无论过去发生了什么都不应该影响到现在，因为生活就是过好现在。

我想她还说过，去参与一些事。不要仅仅为了自己而生活。我可以非常肯定的是为了追求真正的快乐，你必须为了一些更有意义的事而生活。生活是互动的。为了前进，你必须后退。对于我而言，这是人生中最重要的经验。想要获得快乐你必须付出。

我知道你们已经很了解了，因为这个经验已经深深的融入了斯坦福。这个经验是Jane and Leland传承给你们的。因为你们所有的人都知道这座伟大的大学是如何建成的。斯坦福夫妇的独子在15岁时得了伤寒离开了他们。他们有权利和理由去恨这个世界，但是他们却用优雅的行动疏导了心中的悲伤。在他们儿子死后不到一年内，他们已经这所伟大的大学筹集了建设经费，并发誓要为别人的孩子做一些他们自己的孩子不能得到事。

这个经验非常明显，那就是，如果你受了伤，你需要帮助他人减轻伤痛。如果你感到痛苦，帮助他人减轻痛苦。如果你的生活一团糟，去帮助其他处在困难中的人摆脱困境。这样一来，你就变成了妇女联谊会或是互助会中最伟大的一个员。

斯坦福夫妇遭受了世上父母所能遭受的最大痛苦，然而他们懂得通过帮助他人来帮助自己。这种智慧渐渐的被科学和社会学研究所证实。这不仅仅是某种软技能的谈话。这事实上是在帮助者的高度，一种从帮助别人而获得的精神大爆发。所以如果你想快乐，去帮助别人吧。但是当你做好事时，我希望你不仅仅是为了获得的快乐，因为我深知做好事可以让你变得更棒。所以无论你怎样选择，若你能以服务他人为榜样，我相信你的生活会更有价值，你也会更快乐。

我也很高兴做我的脱口秀节目，那种快乐是一种更深层次的成就感，我很难去表达和衡量。我决定以电视作为我的职业，我要用电视这个平台来为我的观众服务，而不是让电视利用我。这改变了我成功的轨迹。

我知道无论你是否是一名演员，你都应该把你的才智贡献给能够鼓舞他人的事业。如果你是一名剖析家，你应当把你们的智慧投入到医治他人当中。无论你是否被召唤，你们中的很多人在经济，法律，人权，科学，医药方面都获得了诸如博士一类的学位，如果你们决定把你们的技能和智慧奉献给服务他人们，选择把服务他人作为榜样，你们的工作就会变成一种天赋。我知道你们在斯坦福所在的一切就是为了出去找一份工作。

你们在很多方面都得到了提高。没有其它更好的方式能够分享你的丰富的才智了。我永恒的祈祷就是让自己能够为他人提供更好的服务

就让我引用马丁路德金的话来作为结束语吧。他说：“不是所有人都会出名。”我不知道，但似乎今天所有人都想出名。

但是成名也是一种代价。有些人会尾随你到卫生间，听你尿尿。你会尽量尿的轻一些。这没什么大不了的。他们会对你说：“我的天啊，是你！你尿尿啦。”

这就是成名的代价，我不知道你们是否喜欢。

所以，正如马丁路德金所说，“不是所有人都会成名。但每个人都可以变的伟大，因为伟大是通过为他人服务而界定的。” 你们当中学历史的人可能会知道他接下来的话，“为别人提供服务，并不一定要有大学学历，并不一定要主谓一致，并不一定要认识柏拉图和亚里士多德，并不一定要会爱因斯坦的相对论，并不一定要了解热力学第二定律。你所需要的是一颗优雅的心灵和充满爱的灵魂。”

I
 不久你们就会正式成为斯坦福大学2008年的毕业生了。

你们有聪明才智。你们将会决定如何利用它。说真的，你们将会如何利用它呢？你们拿到了学位。走向社会吧，我坚信伟大的事将会发生的。

你们知道，我一直坚信，如果你和他人分享，那么事情就会变得更好。所以在我离开之前，我想和大家分享一下毕业礼物。在你们的座位底下，你们会发现两本我最喜欢的书。Eckhart Tolle的A New Earth流行书俱乐部的精选品。我们的New Earth广播已经被下载3亿次。Daniel Pink的A Whole New Mind: Why Right-Brainers Will Rule the Future 使我确定我在人生的正轨上。

我真的想送大家轿车，只是开不过来！祝贺大家！08年的毕业生们！

谢谢大家。